THANKS, JOHNNY

COLLEGE JEOPARDY WEEK. KILL ME NOW.

Ah, dagnab.

Have ya ever sat in a puddle of water in the middle of your bedroom floor? Well, goddamn.

And when I fell on the floor I drank more.

Hours of Operation:
Mon-Thurs 5PM-10PM
Fri 4PM-???
Sat 2PM-???
Sun Closed

Jessica, Josephine, Julie, Justin

Isn't it so exciting when you find your name on one of those souvenir key chains? Somehow, it makes me feel so valid as a person. Kermit isn't a very popular name these days though. Why you gotta do me like that?

I'd like to thank the Academy...

Picture this: Jack Black's got narcolepsy. Pretty lame story line, right? But get this: he sleeps with his eyes open! Mischief ensues, scandals are "witnessed", and a schleppy man child is caught in the middle. E-mail me your headshots.

User Tip: Pull your headphones out halfway.

Have you ever noticed how much better every song is when you listen to it on headphones? Who knew this bass line was so bangin'? This guy. And my volume's all the way up.

E is for Eookie

I used to think that J was the best letter of the alphabet. Think about it: the best things in the universe start with J. Juice, Jambalaya, Jeopardy!, Jibber Jabber... the list goes on. However, I have recently discovered that it is not the first letter that makes the word, but the middle letters. You could replace every J in those words with some other letter and still know what it meant. Vuice, Vambalaya, Veopardy!, Vibber Vabber. In fact, I'd go as far as to say that the most important letter of a word is the last letter. Now look: Juic, Jambalay, Jeopard!, Jibbe Jabbe. What do these words mean to the reader? Absolutely nothing. Allow me to continue.

Kermit and Kermite are completely different names. However, change the last letter of either and they are easily confused. It's a good thing that on every paper I spell my name correctly. TOO BAD IT DOESN'T MATTER. WHO HAS EVER SEEN THE NAME KERMIT SPELLED KERMITE?

My Most Memorable College Experience

Do I have meningitis? How do I check if I'm sensitive to bright light because of an awful bacterial infection and not just because of something else? How do I know if I'm tired because I didn't get enough sleep and not because my vaccine failed? Did I sleep funny? Because my neck hurts.

Mom, Where Are You?

There is something to be said about drinking milk out of a bowl. Maybe it is just my animal instincts talking, but it is so satisfying to grow an instantaneous distinguished gray mustache. On more than one occasion I have tried to recreate the bottom of the cereal bowl by sprinkling sugar dust in the milk, but to my dismay it has never really been the same.