Jessica, Josephine, Julie, Justin

Isn't it so exciting when you find your name on one of those souvenir key chains? Somehow, it makes me feel so valid as a person. Kermit isn't a very popular name these days though. Why you gotta do me like that?

I'd like to thank the Academy...

Picture this: Jack Black's got narcolepsy. Pretty lame story line, right? But get this: he sleeps with his eyes open! Mischief ensues, scandals are "witnessed", and a schleppy man child is caught in the middle. E-mail me your headshots.

User Tip: Pull your headphones out halfway.

Have you ever noticed how much better every song is when you listen to it on headphones? Who knew this bass line was so bangin'? This guy. And my volume's all the way up.